Project Sauvignon Blanc Begins

Deal Done? Done Deal

26 June 2009

The Era

By C. Roline

The West Melbourne Wombats will probably almost certainly definitely likely be playing in the Hunter Valley from next season, The Era understands upon learning from sources.

The cash-strapped club has no option but to go to the lucrative, fast-growing, virile region where the grass is greener than in any other part of the world, according to well-informed sources. The Era understands that the league is willing is offer the Wombats twice all the money in the world to make the move.

Local Hunter Valley side, the Corkscrews, who have an oval capable of hosting crowds of dozens when it is not flooded, are encouraged by the suggestion.

“We’ve been wanting an AFL license for a while now,” said club president, Shifty O’Toole. “We’ve got 156,000 members, which is like, I dunno, shitloads more than those Wombats losers,” he continued.

Suggestions that the vast majority of the Corkscrews members are old dears who only signed up for access to the pokies and a cheap parma on a Wednesday are “ludicrous” according to league bosses.

“The Hunter Valley region is Australian football’s biggest possible target market. We must expand to keep growing. We can’t be stuck in the past. Think if it this way, if you were married, and the Wombats were your old whinging wife and then some hot chick who waxes her fanny and wanted to do a line of coke off your knob started hitting on you in a totally banging house club, what would you do? I know what I’d do,” said league supremo Andrew The Terrible.

“It’s ludicrous to suggest that the Corkscrews are not one of the biggest footy clubs in Australia. Have you seen the size of the carpark out the front of their pokie joint? It’s bloody visible from space,” he added.

The Wombats are currently run by a bunch of retards who will almost certainly fall for the league’s slick and in no way hollow sales pitch. Reputable media outlets are understood to be supportive of the deal.

Only one potential obstacle remains to the deal going through. Hated no-talent big mouth former Davis Cup star Shaun Jones, a lifelong Wombats supporter, has announced his intention to lead a campaign to keep the cash-strapped povvo, no-money, ha ha it must suck to be, you’re on the welfare, I got an ice cream, Wombats in West Melbourne.

But The Era understands that the fool has no chance at all in succeeding with his plan, which he probably dreamed up while he was cracked out in a seedy hotel room with underage hookers.

The smart money remains on Andrew The Terrible overseeing a relocation.