Always Wanted To Play For The Tigers. Honest.

Caroline walked into The Era's offices resplendent in her new fake tan. Summer always presented her with a condundrum. She liked to look good with a tan, but she was a delicate creature and didn't like exposing her soft skin to the harsh sun. So a fake tan it was.

"How now brown cow" murmurmed Liam as she waltzed into the newsroom.

"What," she snapped?

"I just said, How's it going now?" Liam replied with a smirk on his face.

"I thee you O'Loughlin," Caro snarled, "I thee you and your thmarmy gob. You'll get taken down a peg or two thoon my boy, oh yeth you will!"

She strode past him and into her office where she snatched her keys off her desk and strode out the door, a barely disguised 'Moooooooooooo!' following her as she went.

Half an hour later, she was sitting in a non-descript kitchen in a house in Melbourne's eastern suburbs. Jarkyn Lockheed's house.

The young man in question came striding confidently into the room. Caroline assesed him - big, strong through the shoulders, bit of a cheeky chappie glint to the eye.

But he wouldn't be getting off too easy. Caroline had heard the stories about his attitude, especially to women, and the game's self appointed arbiter of what was offensive to women wasn't going to let this chance slide. But first though, she'd soften him up with some easy questions.

But the young bloke got in first.

"Wow, have you just come back from holiday?" he asked, "That's a great tan. Bali?"

Caroline came over all girlish but then recovered herself to begin the interview.

It was when she asked who he'd barracked for as a kid, that she almost slid off her seat.

"I thought you knew," he said, Caro marvelling at his soft genuine eyes, "I'm a Richmond supporter. Love the Tiges, always have. Best club in the land by a mile. My dream has always been to lead the Tiges to a flag. Just standing there in the middle of the MCG, hearing the crowd roar YELLOW AND BLACK as the play the song over and over, the premiership cup in my hands. Just be awesome, that's why you play isn't it? That's what drives me. Between you and me, this is whaddaycallit ... off the record ... if I do get "

Caroline hadn't been this wet since the first time she'd managed to get three fingers up Rebecca all those months ago. The rest of the interview went smoothly. She saw no reason to bring up those horrible rumours. He brought them up himself and she found his heartfelt denials more than believable.

And he was a believable young man. He had indeed barracked for Richmond. For a season in 95 when they had been flying and looked like winners. Then he'd been a die hard Rooboy before discovering how great Essendon were a few years later. Then he'd remembered those family holidays in Queensland and his love for Brisbane. And Sydney. And his love of Victoria's second city.

And as Caroline left to file a glowing story about the lovely young and misunderstood Jarkyn Lockheed, the bloke himself went back to his room to continue what he'd been doing prior to the interview - sending pictures of his dick with a smiley face drawn on it in black texta to random 13 year old girls on Bebo.

"Dumb bitch," he smirked to himself, thinking of how eagerly Caro had lapped up his bullshit.

He pressed send and an instant later, a girl in Wendouree was scarred for life.